The Talk. Kinda.

Story is nine and a passenger on the nonstop puberty train of tears. I’ve been thinking about how to have the sex talk with her. I’m a pretty open person and have no qualms about talking body parts and functions. I just wasn’t sure how to open the conversation. Well, Story did it for me. With lizards.

On our way home one evening, she told me about a video she watched about lizards. Apparently, there was a portion of the video during which the lizards were mating.

“Mom, I know how lizards mate.”

“Oh yeah? Tell me about it.”

“The male gets on the female’s back and bites her neck. That’s how the male’s DNA gets into the female for the eggs.”

A perfect opening! Confident that I had this in the bag, I began my spiel in earnest. “That’s not how the DNA is transferred. DNA is transferred when the male inserts his penis into the female’s vagina and–“

“Are you serious?! That’s how animals have sex?”

“Yes, people too, and–“

“That is so gross! I am never having sex!”

Smiling to myself, I was happy to hear this but amused at her insistence. Oh, how things would change one day. “But there is more to it.”

“OHMYGOSH, Mom, is that how you and Dad had me?”

“Yes …” We were getting off track here.

Before I could think of how to get us back to the facts of sex, she asked, “Why was he biting her neck?”

Without thinking, I said, “Probably to keep her still.”

She thought about this. I panicked. What am I saying? “Sex isn’t a bad thing though.”

She wasn’t convinced. “I don’t think I’d like it. Do you regret it?”

Trying to be honest and open, like I had planned back before this awful conversation began, I said, “Yes, I regret a few times. But, not all. Definitely not all.”

“Do you regret having sex with my dad?”

“Of course not! Then I wouldn’t have had you.”

This conversation was done. I needed to regroup. I ended on a positive note, and now I just needed to keep my mouth shut and pray she changed the subject.

I confessed to Ali later. Of course, she thought it was hilarious and was appropriately scandalized at the lizard rape. I tried to think of ways to fix it. Her response to every single idea was: No. I will fix it though. Maybe a book?

Really, I think it was the lizard’s fault.

The Best of the Mundane

Life has been pretty mundane lately. Never has it been clearer than while reading through 500 writing prompts trying to figure out what I should write about this weekend. I haven’t had any cool interactions with a stranger, I am not reading anything of note, and I’m not overly worried about anything. Life is going along quickly but as it usually does. So, instead of trying to come up with something Earth shattering, I thought I’d share some pretty cool, and mostly good, mundane things that have happened recently.

  • After some coercion of a sick Lesley, we were able to get Story into a last-minute Girls, Inc. camp for the last few days of winter break. When I dropped Riley off that morning, she clung to Story’s arm and both girls walked back together with huge smiles on their faces. I couldn’t help but remember the first time they joined hands and walked into daycare together.
  • Riley earned enough good behavior points to be appointed Principal of the Day last week — an honor she relished and was very proud of.
  • Maddie has begun tying knots in her hair any time she is sitting still. In turn, brushing her hair in the morning has become quite a chore.
  • I moved into a position that my boss held when I first started six years ago. It’s surreal to think about and has caused a lot of reflection of the ride its been.
  • Riley learned to tie her shoes! She is not perfect yet but has had several successes!
  • We experienced the most perfect snow day this past weekend. First because it wasn’t on a school day and second because the snow was PERFECT for playing in.
  • Riley had her first medical mishap on the year, somehow causing an abrasion in her eye, and spent the same perfect snow day weekend in an eye patch.

And that has been about it so far this year. Pretty mundane, everyday experiences that have made up a good start to this New year.

An Introduction to Theater

It is two days before Christmas, and our traditions are in full swing. The elf has been cleverly hidden each day, our advent calendar has seen treats depart, and many batches of toffee have been made. Yesterday, however, we departed from our tradition and added a first-time experience to our lineup of activities. At Maddie’s request, we attended our first full-length play at an actual theater.

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