About Lesley Bolton

Posts by Lesley Bolton:

The Talk. Kinda.

Story is nine and a passenger on the nonstop puberty train of tears. I’ve been thinking about how to have the sex talk with her. I’m a pretty open person and have no qualms about talking body parts and functions. I just wasn’t sure how to open the conversation. Well, Story did it for me. With lizards.

On our way home one evening, she told me about a video she watched about lizards. Apparently, there was a portion of the video during which the lizards were mating.

“Mom, I know how lizards mate.”

“Oh yeah? Tell me about it.”

“The male gets on the female’s back and bites her neck. That’s how the male’s DNA gets into the female for the eggs.”

A perfect opening! Confident that I had this in the bag, I began my spiel in earnest. “That’s not how the DNA is transferred. DNA is transferred when the male inserts his penis into the female’s vagina and–“

“Are you serious?! That’s how animals have sex?”

“Yes, people too, and–“

“That is so gross! I am never having sex!”

Smiling to myself, I was happy to hear this but amused at her insistence. Oh, how things would change one day. “But there is more to it.”

“OHMYGOSH, Mom, is that how you and Dad had me?”

“Yes …” We were getting off track here.

Before I could think of how to get us back to the facts of sex, she asked, “Why was he biting her neck?”

Without thinking, I said, “Probably to keep her still.”

She thought about this. I panicked. What am I saying? “Sex isn’t a bad thing though.”

She wasn’t convinced. “I don’t think I’d like it. Do you regret it?”

Trying to be honest and open, like I had planned back before this awful conversation began, I said, “Yes, I regret a few times. But, not all. Definitely not all.”

“Do you regret having sex with my dad?”

“Of course not! Then I wouldn’t have had you.”

This conversation was done. I needed to regroup. I ended on a positive note, and now I just needed to keep my mouth shut and pray she changed the subject.

I confessed to Ali later. Of course, she thought it was hilarious and was appropriately scandalized at the lizard rape. I tried to think of ways to fix it. Her response to every single idea was: No. I will fix it though. Maybe a book?

Really, I think it was the lizard’s fault.

Home for the Holidays

Every year, Story and I go down to my parents’ house for Christmas. My sisters are there, too, and we all spend the night, eager for Santa to come. Yes, we may be adults, but our stockings are still stuffed with goodies on Christmas Day. This year, however, Story and I are staying home. Due to scheduling conflicts, we won’t be able to visit until New Year’s Eve. At first, I was excited, then I panicked. 

We don’t have a Christmas tradition at our house. We have always followed my parents’ tradition happily. Should I continue to do that? Or should we do something new since we are in a different place on Christmas morning? What will Story expect? And can I live up to that expectation?

To find the answers, I turned to the tradition expert: Ali. I pummeled her with questions about her Christmas morning tradition, and of course, it’s magical. So I will copy part of it for sure, but I feel like I need something that is ours — not a carbon copy of my parents’ or Ali’s.

So, friends, help a mama out. I’m looking for suggestions. Do any of you have a Christmas tradition you’d like to share? As this is our first Christmas at home, I want it to be memorable. Please and thank you! Now, go!

You Look Like a Boy

Over Thanksgiving break, Story got her hair cut. Short. Her requirements were: “When I shake my head, I don’t want my hair to move,” and “I want the sides tapered.” She got exactly what she wanted and absolutely loved it. And then others started imposing their unsolicited opinions on her: “You look like a boy.” (more…)